Me
by Konoha's Kage
Summary: But Kira leaves a bigger impression on Light than he thought and he starts to feel a little lonely up on that pedestal again. Well, no, he’d always been lonely, but the feeling was just so much more obvious now. KiraxLight, one-sided Lxlight.


Me

So there's this guy name Yagami Light. I'm sure you've heard of him – the Chief's son, and all that. And as the Chief's son, he's always known about crime in the world. When he was little, he would turn on the television and stumble on the news channel where another person was found in a ditch or reported missing, or a bank robbery was taking place. His mother would quickly tell him to watch cartoons instead, but that was never interesting enough for him. He grows up, aspiring to join his father in the fight for justice. On the way, he realizes that languages are really easy to learn and math is only a matter of logic. Chess is so predictable, and tennis is not that hard at all. Computers aren't really that complex, and before you know it, he's an expert program developer and hacker.

That doesn't mean he's lacking in any social skills, either. He's figured out that people set him on a high pedestal. He was surprised at first, because he didn't think his intelligence could hold him up like that. And his appearance most definitely did not lower him in everybody else's eyes, either.

Of course, on such a pedestal, it's only a matter of time before he learned how people at the foot of that pedestal were eager to tend to him. He didn't like it, and tried as much as possible to refrain from taking advantage of them. It was just so _easy, _though, and he didn't even have to try!

Sounds like a guy you'd know, right?

Anyway, we've already established how he's good at… everything, really. He masters everything, right? Well he's seventeen and he's not left with much else. There's one thing he's aware of, though. He can't master the criminals that he still can't fight to his full potential, simply because he's not yet a legal adult. That's really the only thing he can cling to, you know, the hope that he'll be useful working for justice. Because, honestly, who needs perfection? Who needs him?

His faith in that future is already shaking, though.

(I should also mention here that his parents are in no way at fault for the way he turned out. They were truly the best parents anyone could ask for. I believe no one could have stopped this.)

And here comes along a notebook!

Ah, you know which one I'm talking about. Imagine his surprise when he realizes that the white words on the cover, _Death Note,_ were no joke. He was much more surprised than you, I assure you, because you didn't have to murder anyone to get the fact slapped in your face.

That's when Kira was born.

Now, who doesn't know _him_?

He was born by a death, and lived by it; just as Light was born by justice, and lived by it. Unlike Light and justice, though, he feared death. He detested the nothingness death implied more than anything, more than Light did.

In his fear of death, the thing that nursed him into being, he goes and demands that Light shares his justice with him. Light, obviously, doesn't want to share. Kira was all too eager to push death onto Light, of course.

So now Light's hands are full of death, and Kira takes justice and completely morphs it. He changes it into the future that he believes Light wants, and makes it extravagant enough to be a dream for the both of them. Not too long later, they work together so much to survive that they aren't sure which one of them is Kira, and which one is Light. Justice becomes synonymous with death, as well.

And the dream only gets heavier and heavier. Light gets frustrated; Kira gets more and more excited. They get trapped, and they both decide that Kira's gonna need to go. Just temporarily. Kira's not happy about it, but Light assures him he'll come back, and stronger than ever. Kira goes off, tail between his legs, and Light's trying his best not to dance in joy.

But Kira leaves a bigger impression on Light than he thought (even though he technically can't remember him) and he starts to feel a little lonely up on that pedestal again. Well, no, he'd always been lonely, but the feeling was just so much more obvious now.

Well now, you can guess which detective he gets to take Kira's place, right?

So lovely little L joins him up there, just for the heck of it. They get close, have a little fun – I'm sure you've read that story a hundred times before.

It's the more depressing ending that applies to this one, though. Light, without the protection of Kira that he didn't know he needed, becomes susceptible to love. And L, he's completely protected by that goddamned computer screen of his. Light, desperate and such a lonely little boy, he tries to see past the screen. He pulls on the chain that L put there, like a ball to a young puppy. And Light grabs for it, pulling, pulling screaming for the detective to just let him through, because it's so high on this pedestal, so, so high…

The screen gets thicker, thicker, thicker. Light's practically hanging himself with the chain now, and he knows that it's all just wrong. Then, just in the nick of time, Kira comes back, and pulls at Light gently, and what's Light gonna do? Kira's the only one that wants him. Kira will take away the chain, take away L, but… Kira wants him. So Light lets go of the chain, and watches Kira cut it completely. He watches Kira break down the screen that Light couldn't touch.

Kira punishes L for making fun of the dog like that, and even though Light tries to feel pleased, it only hurts worse. The pain was that of foreboding. Poor Light, he doesn't know it's just the beginning.

See, Kira's not happy at all with Light. He knows that Light doesn't want him. He's angry that Light tried to replace him. He binds Light with his own chains. These chains weren't silver and pretty. They're rusty and bloodstained. Kira's stronger now, just like Light promised. He's stronger, angry, and he's never going to leave.

And then…

_I _was born.

No, I'm not exactly sure who I am, either. I don't know what I would call myself. When I came to be, I was at the bottom of the pedestal. No one sees me. I believe I was born of pain. Pain of love, pain of humiliation, pain of restriction, pain of death… whichever one, I'm not sure. But I'm down here, looking high up at Light and Kira, who took up all the room on that pedestal and won't let me up.

I think I'm more selfish than both of them. Kira wants Light's justice, but Light's already given all of that up. Light wants love, but Kira has none of that and no one else is willing to give it to him. Neither of them wants death. Death surrounds them, tickling their feet and whispering in their ears.

_I _want death. I want it, but it doesn't want me. So I guess I want _them._ I want to break down their pedestal and scream at them. I want to throw them at death, and laugh. They're so pathetic.

It's not just their death, though. I want the moments of love that Light lost. I want the feeling of victory that will destroy Kira. They eventually decided to share with each other. But I wouldn't. Why should I? They created me, ugly little me. They don't deserve love or victory.

Where did justice go? When did justice stop giving everyone what they deserved?

So here I am, and the pedestal's about to fall over.

I still have no idea who I am, but I'm going to death, who doesn't want me, but tough. Death is nothingness, and nothingness is no pain. If I have to drag Light and Kira down with me, so be it.

So goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, anyone who's reading this. It was nice to meet Light's friends and family, and nice to hurt you all. Light says goodbye, too. And I'm sorry and I love you. Kira's not as polite, but whatever. He doesn't really mean to scream at you like that, Matsuda. It's just that he's finally realized that I'm here, and I'm making them crash, crash down…

* * *

…. So what the _hell _was that? I have NO idea. I was just doing a weird rant thing. I was planning to write Emo!Suicidal!Light as another mind in Light's head (because you know, I'm a sucker for Multiple Personality Disorder). But what was supposed to be depressing turned out to be incredibly chipper. For a suicide thing, at least. I don't know when it all happened. Maybe it was in that funny-looking piece of toast I ate this morning…

Inspiration to write this: I was just reading a whole bunch of fanfics with suicidal Light and, while they were (sometimes) enjoyable, they were disgustingly depressing and had me going, "Light would NEVER really kill himself." Then a little voice told me "Unless it's another piece of his mind…"

And I think I bashed L. Why did I do that? I also seem to hate Innocent!Light, which is weird, because I don't. I love all Light.

Actually, I think I know why this thing is so not dark and "poetic". I was watching this show called Supernatural and there was this cute little dog with a bow in its hair, and that just made my day.

Okay, I think I'll stop changing the subject and just save the stupid document.

I was supposed to put this up last night, but suddenly the login features or whatever on ffnet shut down on me.

Okay, NOW I'll shut up.


End file.
